Coward, Your Wounds are a reminder

I feel like I have a scab that I’ve been picking at, these stories that we’ve all shared have opened up this woman’s old wounds. Physically I still bear those wounds, as they are a constant reminder of him, and what he did to me. It’s like that saying, “Everywhere I go, there I am. “ In this instance insert, HE is.

 Doing some research to find answers to what and why it happened, I came across this. I’ve linked to it so that you may see the whole page.

I had therapy years ago to try and deal with him, and honestly I think I had put him mostly behind me. Until, my body started failing me, and the pain that had been there for some time, got worse. When I was asked over and over  again, HOW every did you get your spine like this? Did you fall from a cliff, car accident (NEVER have, heck I've never even gotten a ticket) when I opened up about my past there was a look of, "ah now I understand why you are in this condition." Then the scab started itching, and I scratched-- then the memories that I've tried to push down came rushing back in. I read the questions below of , "does your partner, " and I was surprised myself, how almost all the responses where YES.

 

Why does domestic violence happen?

 Contrary to popular belief, domestic violence is not caused by stress, mental illness, alcohol, or drugs. The only true cause of domestic violence are the abusers’ choices to act violently and control their intimate partners.

 How do I know if I’m being abused?

 Does your partner –

 

• hit, punch, slap, kick, shove, strangle, or bite you? (Yes Multiple times, I've lost count.) Should add choke, he loved to slam me up against the wall by the throat.)

• threaten to hurt you or your children? Yes

• threaten to hurt friends or family members? (Yes)

• have sudden outbursts of anger or rage? (YES!)

• behave in an overly protective manner? (Yes)

• become jealous without reason? (yes)

• prevent you from seeing family or friends? (yes)

• prevent you from going where you want, when you want, with whomever you want, without repercussions? (Yes)

• prevent you from working or attending school or force you to work in jobs not of your choosing? (Yes forced me to quit, because it took away from HIM time.)

• destroy personal property or sentimental items? (Oh god, so many things ruined by him.)

• deny you access to family assets, such as bank accounts, credit cards, or car? (YES)

• control all finances and force you to account for what you spend? (Yes)

• force you to have sex against your will or force you to engage in sexual acts you do not enjoy? ( so many times. When there are tears running down your face, it was NOT consensual asshole!)

• use intimidation or manipulation to control you or your children? ( his favorite thing to do, intimated everyone around us.)

• humiliate or embarrass you in front of others? (Oh god, so many times. At restaurants, shopping, movies, on the phone with his brother or friends)

• abuse or threaten to abuse pets? Yes..and he did hurt them.  Kicked their little cat bodies and threw them too. God a monster.

• withhold medication or deny you access to health care? I want to say Yes, but there are details I don't want to share here.

 

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you may be abused. You are not alone. You are not to blame. Help is available. Domestic violence is a crime.

 

For help, call 716-558-SAFE (7233).