Sexual interest in pubescent and adolescent individuals–Coward of California, this is you.

I walked on eggshells every day. It was a coin toss whether Coward was going to be a good mood or bad when he came home. I swear I could sense it sometimes miles before he reached our house. If I had other people there, he would instantly slap on his, “I’m awesome” mask and play the dutiful and loving boyfriend. It didn’t matter that I kept a clean house, a beautiful yard, made homemade meals, kept myself attractive, and pleasured him sexually almost daily; it was never enough. I know that honestly it never could be enough, because it wasn’t about me, it was about what was wrong with him.

I’m the oldest of several sisters’; little did I know this would be heaven for someone like him who desired young teen or pre-pubescent girls. I would ask my sisters, friends or my mother to come over to eat dinner, watch shows, play card or board games…whatever it would take to get someone to be there to help buffer his moods. His favorite guest, were my two younger sisters; especially the youngest. One of the two younger sister’s didn’t like Coward, and told me, ‘he was creepy and gave her the hebbie jeebies.” I dismissed it as she just didn’t like him, and brushed it aside. Later when one of my best friends whom I’m still friends with, point blank said she did not trust or like Coward and that she too got the hebbie jeebies from him;  “she must be gay” was his response about her feelings. It was never Coward, it was always something with them. Oh Coward, we still laugh about this line, that’s some funny narcissistic shit there.

I soon understood just how much he liked my littlest sister when she stayed the night once. She was a sleep on the couch in the living room when she awoke with a nightmare. Since she was frightened and it was the middle of the night, I told her to crawl into bed with me and that Coward would take the couch. No, he would not be doing that; he wanted to sleep in the bed with her too, and between us. He wanted to sleep between my 20 year old self and my 13 year old sister. I let him, oh my god I let him. I was thinking more along the lines of he sees her as his little sister, so it’s ok. Soon after I fell asleep I found his hand downs my panties trying to get me wet, and he wanted me to masturbate him, while he slept next to my little sister. I did not get him off, and told him it was probably better if I slept between them after all. He was angry, but he didn’t want to wake her so he agreed to it. I would find the next day when making the bed his shirt from the floor sticky as he had masturbated while I was asleep. I would never let that bed situation happen again. EVER.

About 9 months or so after I had kicked him out, my littlest sister was living in Madera with her infant son. She called me to tell me that Coward knew a mutual friend of hers and had tracked her down her phone number and he had called to ask her out. She rebuffed him instantly, and was sickened that he would ask her out after dating her sister. Also she didn’t like him and thought he was creepy and unattractive, besides the fact that he dated her sister once. He was on a mission to obtain something that he’d been after, since she was 10 years old when he first met her…thank god he never succeeded.