Hooker Shoes and Melania Trump, two peas in a very messed up pod

Every time I read an article about Melania Trump I think of Hooker Shoes.

So many things they have in common:

 Both married men for citizenship, I'm going off of what coward told me how she married her child #2 dad for a green card.
They're both Russian, and despite being here for many years the accent is thick and UGLY as hell.

But this next part is like watching Hooker Shoes talk about cowards past.

Melania defends Trumps actions, plays it off as boys will be boys, and makes the victims out to be liars. All the horrific things Trump has done/doing and said is excusable to her. Just like Hooker shoes denying that Coward was sexually interested in her oldest daughter. All the tales of mental and physical abuse of many women, sexual interest in teens, babies aborted, buried --all of it is just made up to her. Everyone is a liar, and apparently only Coward is the honest one in this world.

Is it a Russian cultural thing to protect horrible actions of the men in your life?

Melania"s father, fathered a child with another woman, he denied that child until a DNA test proved otherwise. Then and only then did he pay child support, but he never saw the child or introduced his other children to their sibling. Wow what a horrible man, to do that to a child--who is now grown and who grew up without a father.

I imagine if you were raised by a man like that, your world would be jaded. The truth always comes out, and when it does you can't keep shoving it behind the door so no one can see the truth.

I don't thing for a MINUTE that Trump is no longer the deplorable man that he has ALWAYS been. Just like I don't think all of the sudden coward no longer cheats, lies, manipulates, and no longer lust after the oldest, maybe it's the middle one now.

Affidavit Rebuttal part five (5)

Request for protection

Coward can have his wish, stated in the 10^th paragraph. In fact, he’s had it all along:

I have no desire to have any relationship or contact with Writer of this blog. I only want her to leave my family and me absolutely alone. This includes all internet harassment, E.G. defamatory and damaging statements about me and my family.It has been almost 18 years since I ended the relationship with Writer of this blog. Her harassment, stalking and behavior is disturbing and frightening.

Coward has never denied in his affidavit or in court the wrongdoings I accused him of doing. His claims of harassment are specious. If he thought he had a case for damages he would have pursued one . Such as suit could be easily dismissed, as it is groundless.

If Coward truly wants to have no contact, then he really needs to stop reading my blog and stop trying to find me on the Internet. His wife, Hooker Shoes, in particular is unrelenting about stalking me and harassing me on the Internet. I’m annoyed, but have not reached the point where I think a restraining order is warranted. (it’s very close though)

His wife has mentioned personal information about me in her blog, and even made links to my blog from her blog. These links tend to promote my blog’s rankings in search engines, so the action seems illogical to me.

A woman I knew contacted me, informing me that Hooker Shoes had contacted her been trying to dig up information about me. I do consider that almost cyber-stalking, but I don’t think it warrants pressing charges.

Blogs, like all web sites, get promoted in search engines every time someone does a search and then clicks a link. Every time Coward or Hooker Shoes searched for my blog and read it, they promoted my blog for the rest of the world. I have, relatively speaking, a very tiny following, certainly not enough for Coward or his family to worry about being connected to it. The harassment Coward claims is entirely his own doing.

I believe Coward is claiming that my blog entries were “defamatory and damaging” because they contradict the image built on lies that he has perpetrated to his family, friends, and peers. Naturally he wants me to stop writing my blog and telling what happened to me, because it makes him look bad. I want to write what was the truth, even if it doesn’t reflect well on him.

Truthfully, I fear Coward far more than he should ever fear me. He has an actual official record of violence. I do not. He is physically much stronger than me. I knew him to own six guns, but I suspect he owns more, now. In the small town, he had a reputation across the town for violence and intimidation with little provocation. His wife Hooker Shoes scares me because she seems irrational and prone to hysteria, exhibiting a predilection for vengeance and vindictiveness. In her emails and phone conversations with me, she has used extremely threatening language, showing a disregard for life or comporting to the law.

Affidavit Rebuttal part four (4)

A.               Lies: Allegations of harassment

Coward completely mischaracterizes events in his 4^th paragraph:

In early 2001 I entered into a serious relationship with Hooker Shoes ( the person who is now my wife ) and Writer of this blog started causing trouble soon after. She harassed Hooker Shoes via Internet, phone calls and even threatened to try and have my wife deported. ( My wife is Russian.) At that time we filed a police report and I wrote Writer of this blog asking her to leave us alone. Writer of this blog continued the harassment for a while, mostly by contacting my sister and making slanderous remarks, regarding my wife.  After some time though Writer of this blog seemed to go away.

As I mentioned, I had been emailing with Coward, and he had also given me the password for his email account. For some reason I don’t know, Coward emailed me nude photographs of himself fully exposed. I asked him why he did that, and he said, “just because.” I asked whether a woman had taken the pictures, as I could see a bra on the dresser in the pictures, but he evaded answering. I asked if she knew he had sent them, and he said she did not. I suspected, but didn’t say aloud, that Hooker Shoes was that woman.

During one phone call, Coward admitted that Hooker Shoes was upset that he was still talking to me, and since he planned to marry Hooker Shoes, he wanted me to be friends with her. I reluctantly agreed to try, but also told Coward that maybe he could just stop calling me. Instead, he put us on the phone together, and we had a very awkward conversation. Pretty quickly, she started talking without listening to me, then called me some bad names, so I said something rude and hung up on her.

He called me back immediately, to tell me angrily that I was in the wrong. I didn’t apologize; I didn’t want to be friends with Hooker Shoes. I thought it was weird and inappropriate.

A couple of days later, he called me again when Hooker Shoes wasn’t around, and apologized for Hooker Shoes’s behavior. For months later, he would continue to call every few weeks. Gradually, we began using email rather than phone calls.

The conversations began to include Hooker Shoes, and they quickly devolved into petty bickering. I generally found her words incoherent and irrational, often filled with anger and rudeness.

During one of our phone calls, Hooker Shoes claimed she had known about the pictures being sent to me, saying that she wanted me to be envious of what she had. I think she was lying in order to save face, especially because I already knew what Coward looked like without clothes and didn’t care.

By now, I was getting annoyed by Coward’s continued insistence that I work out a relationship with Hooker Shoes. It was clear she did not like me, and I did not like her. I thought I might still be friendly with Coward, so, at his request, I continued email and phone conversations with Coward behind her back.

Coward and Hooker Shoes got married. I sent a wedding gift; it was returned. I called to ask if I had misaddressed it. He acted incredulous that I had called, and began to get quite nasty with me. I suppose that he did that for Hooker Shoes’s benefit because he had not been telling her that we were talking.

I got angry with him. Calls went back and forth between the three of us, and then emails, each getting uglier and uglier. I probably did say in anger that Hooker Shoes should watch her steps because illegal actions on her part would get her deported. I knew that she was sensitive to that topic because of Coward’s prior revelations about her ex-husband; however, I had no power to cause her to be deported, and I can’t imagine why she or Coward thought that I actually might.

At one point Coward angrily asked me something like, “Didn’t I teach you better?” about how I was talking to Hooker Shoes. This triggered something from how he had treated me in the past, and I got quite angry. I hadn’t asked for any of this to happen.

Having been provoked by Coward’s words, I lost my cool, and overreacted. I logged into Coward’s email account by using the password he gave me, and sent the nude photographs he had sent me on to only the adult members of his family, writing something insensitive in the message. Coward’s sister responded negatively to the email, and we went back and forth in email a few times. Nothing came of it.

If Coward did file a police report, this affidavit is the first I’ve ever heard of it. No officials ever contacted me about it.

I do not recall ever receiving a letter from Coward asking me to stop, unless it was part of a hate-filled spewing of insults from Hooker Shoes, written in provocative and incendiary language, which, I confess, I probably didn’t take very seriously as a request to stop, nor do I think a reasonable person would see it that way. It was just a series of back-and-forth of angry name-calling and unreasonable demands.

These events took only a few weeks in late 2001. After it ended, it died completely. I dropped all contact with Coward, his family, or his friends, since that time.

This was nothing more than an electronic altercation between us. It was not harassment at all. I did begin to confront Coward with the violence and abuse; I’m sure neither he nor Hooker Shoes were happy with me for that, but it was just the truth that I withheld for too long.

 

 

Corroboration

My husband  has some of the emails from the conversations described here (he archives just about everything in email since the 90’s). A lot of anger shows, but the claims I make here are consistent with them.

Hooker Shoes and Coward brought some printed emails with them to court on May 14. The judge expressed no interest in reading them.

 

 

 

 

 

Affidavit Rebuttal part three (3)

A.               Lies: Who attempted reconciliation and how

Coward lies again in the 3^rd paragraph, beginning with the first sentence:

After no communication for many months Writer of this blog contacted me asking for a peaceful friendship. I accepted this offer and even helped her with some things such as paying some of her bills and giving her money. I did this from a position of compassion and mercy.

I had been avoiding Coward completely. Unfortunately, he showed up at a bar at a local resort in October 1996, four months after I kicked him out. I was with my date, Bruce To make me feel better, Bruce put on a show for Coward designed to make Coward uncomfortable, showering me with attention. It worked; Coward and his 19 or 20-year-old girlfriend, Stacey , who should not have been allowed in the bar, left.

I had taken a job working the front desk at the Shiloh Inn. In November 1996, Coward and Stacey appeared in the lobby and approached the desk. Seeing him jarred me; I was caught off guard. I asked my boss to check him out because I did not want to face him, and hid in her office while she did it. About an hour later, I was still at the desk when he walked up to me and claimed that Stacey had left something in the room. Unfortunately, I could not avoid him that time. He told me that he missed me and wanted to talk, but he couldn’t because Stacey was waiting outside in his truck. After he got whatever he came for out of the room, he left.

A couple of weeks later, my home phone rang. It startled me, because I could not afford the phone bill and my service had been cancelled for non-payment. I answered, and it was Coward. I asked how he got my number, because he cancelled the account we shared after I kicked him out, and I had not shared my new unlisted number with him.

I knew he had worked at local small town Telephone Co. for several years before, and was very, very friendly with all of the women working as operators there. It wasn’t hard to figure out how he managed to call me on a disconnected line. Immediately after the call, I called an operator, and asked her how Coward had called me when my phone service was disconnected. She claimed ignorance, and I demanded that they turn my phone back off. I did not want any contact from Coward at the time, whatsoever, even if that meant going without telephone service at all.

I started making better money, got a roommate, and reconnected my telephone. And I let my guard down a little.

In December, I ran into him in Oakhurst. He inquired as to my welfare. I told him I was struggling to pay my bills. He offered to take me out to dinner, even though he admitted he was still with Stacey and that she didn’t know. I accepted, because I thought I might still have feelings for him. He made it clear that he still had strong feelings for me. He apologized profusely for his behavior. I missed the comfortableness of the relationship and was weak.

We drove back to my house  so I could get clothes to stay the night with him at the hotel. I was ashamed to be seen with him, because I knew that if my parents and friends found, out they would be angry and disappointed in me, so I ducked down in his pickup to avoid being seen.

We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant, and stayed at the Best Western. I slept with him, and consequently decided that I did not want to restart a relationship with him after all. I had missed companionship, but didn’t really miss him. I was happy, dating other people, for the first time.

The next morning, he had me follow him to the ATM, where he withdrew the maximum amount possible, about $400, and gave it to me to pay my bills, saying he hoped it would make up for all the bad things he did. I took it and we exchanged phone numbers.

For Christmas, Coward gave me a bottle of Escape perfume, a scent that I knew he adored on me. I didn’t give him a gift, nor did I expect one from him.

We began talking on the phone, off and on, but the majority of the calls were from Coward to me. Phone calls to Coward were too expensive for me. It was long distance from Small town to California City, and I couldn’t afford that. I rarely wanted to call Coward, as my social life was going very well without him. Coward has never had many friends, fewer still who would listen to him talk about his troubles with girls. I thought I was doing what mature adults do, letting bygones be bygones, so I would take his calls.

In February 1997, I met my ex-husband, and in 1998 we got married, and I had a son. Even throughout this time, Coward would call me, sometimes quite late at night. Ex-husband would begrudgingly put up with it. Coward called to get advice about his relationships or to get things off his chest. I even took a call from some other girl he was seeing about how she should deal with Coward and his infidelity to her. I advised her to leave him.

Sometime in late 1998 or 1999, he brought a girl to ex-husband's and my house on his way through Mid Size city to Small town, and I fed them lunch. I remember feeling sorry for her because Coward kept comparing her to me—telling her how much he liked my cooking, cleaning, the way I handled myself, etc.

I did send him a birthday card for his 35^th birthday in 1999. I had forgotten about doing that until he brought it out as evidence in court. I was surprised he kept it, as I have thrown out or sold anything he ever gave me, save for some pictures we are both in.

I casually invited him to my 30^th birthday party in October 1999. I didn’t think he would come; it’s almost a two-hour drive. He eagerly accepted, and brought a present: Escape perfume.

My marriage to my ex-husband didn’t last long at all. In early 2000, we were separated, and I met the man who would become my present husband on the dating website Match.com.

Coward was in town January or February of 2000, and stopped by unannounced. I told him that I was getting divorced from my ex-husband. Coward invited me to dinner, and I brought my son. We went to On The Border. We went back to my house afterwards, and he asked if he could stay the night. I agreed to let him sleep on the couch, alone.

I put my son, to bed. Coward said he wanted to talk to me, and I consented. He said he had been thinking about us, and wanted to know if I wanted to try to restart our relationship. I told him no, because I’d already met someone I was interested in. He said he missed me, and that he would make a good stepfather to my son. I said I was flattered, but, again, no, because I cared about the person I’d met. I also told Coward that I though he would not make a good stepparent—he was not parent material. The thought of him being around my son full time scared me. He dropped the subject. He slept alone on the couch and left the next morning. I remember distinctly feeling no attraction to him at that point, and felt very unsettled by his suggestion.

He continued to call me, including when his brother, hanged himself, asking me to attend his funeral with him. I detested his brother, and I refused.

I had told Coward that I’d had success on the website Match.com. He asked for my help setting up an account on a different dating site for him. Rather than struggle through it on his own, he gave me the password to his email account and the dating site password, and asked me to help set it up, proofread, improve it for him. I agreed to do this.

I did tell the man I was with everything about this—that I was helping Coward, and he expressed only a little concern. I hadn’t revealed to him the depth to which I’d been injured and abused by Coward, because I hadn’t come to terms with it, myself, at that point.

In 2001, he called me to talk as he sometimes did. He told me about a girl that he saw at the apartment complex he had just moved to and was extremely attracted to. I asked how old she was, and he said he thought she was 16 or 17. I was dumbfounded. I castigated him severely, reminding him that it was immoral and illegal, and that he should leave her alone. I remember feeling very bothered because I was about to become a stepmother to a girl just about that same age – a girl the same age as our daughter Heather would have been had she lived.

About two weeks later, he called again. He told me he had changed his mind, but then he said that the girl wasn’t interested in him (he was 36 years old, after all – twice her age). Instead, he met the girl’s mother, who was single. I told him that was incredibly creepy, and that he must not date the mother of the girl that he was sexually attracted to. He laughed it off. That mother turned out to be Hooker Shoes, Coward’s present wife.

Over the next few weeks and months, Coward would call me to talk, often complaining about Hooker Shoes’s hardness, or about Hooker Shoes’s youngest daughter,  being an out-of-control brat. He told me how Hooker Shoes’s ex-husband divorced her because he felt she was using him for a green card. He wondered how her family from Russia could visit the U.S. so often, and whether they were on the take. He shared how she was very much into money and cared too much about how she looked at the time. He voluntarily divulged vast amounts of personal information to me about his life with Hooker Shoes and her family.

Coward’s claim that I sought his friendship or companionship is risible; he sought mine. I wouldn’t characterize my part as “coming from compassion or mercy.” I sincerely believed I was simply “being mature,” before I realized that I was expending energy on a relationship with a person who was not good for me. I am generally a kind of person who tries to be friends with everyone, so it was natural for me to continue talking to Coward for a while. I’m older and wiser now. Coward and Hooker Shoes have crossed a line with me; I won’t be friends with either one of them, now or ever.

 

 

 

Corroboration

Coward appears in pictures I have of my 30^th birthday party.

My ex-husband,  will affirm Coward’s phone calls to me, including late night calls. He will also confirm that Coward would visit our house.

 

 

Affidavit Rebuttal Part Two (2)

A.               Lie: The credit card and its role

There are more lies in Coward’s 2^nd sentence, and the rest of the 2^nd paragraph:

I had discovered that she had opened a credit card in my name without my knowledge and had spent it to its maximum of $5000 dollars. I had also discovered many other lies and deceptions by Writer of this blog regarding our relationship. At this time I thought it best to end the relationship.

Around mid to late February 1996, I discovered incontrovertible evidence confirming my suspicions that Coward had been unfaithful to me. I had felt vindicated in opening a credit card account in both Coward’s and my name, after suffering his excessive control over how I could spend our money. The credit limit was $2,000, and not the $5,000 that Coward alleges here. Coward did not find out about the account until after I ended the relationship.

The entire balance of the card was paid by me, and never by Coward. We were still together from February to June 1996, and I paid it out of our shared account. After I ended the relationship, I temporarily stopped paying on the account.

Coward did not discover the account’s existence until at least two months after I ended the relationship, around August or September 1996.

I remember how he discovered it, because he violently confronted me about it at the time. It was summer in the Sierra Nevada's. I remember I was wearing shorts. My sister  and I had just pulled into the parking lot of Small town Video one evening. Before we could get out, a pickup truck belonging to Coward’s friend, LardO, pulled in behind me and blocked in my car. LardO was driving and Coward was his passenger. Coward came to my side of the car and yanked me out of it, scraping my exposed thigh on the car door as he did so. He grabbed for my purse, yelling that he wanted the credit card, and began emptying my purse. He terrified me and my sister.

I had already thrown away the credit card, so he didn’t find it in there. My sister was yelling at him to stop. LardO stood by and watched, doing nothing. Coward kicked in the driver side door panel, leaving a big dent. Around that time, the owner of the video store came outside to see what was causing the commotion. At that point, Coward and LardO left the parking lot.

Later, I guess Coward must have complained to the credit card company, because they called me about whether he should have been liable for the debt. I agreed to take over the debt fully and absolve Coward of responsibility. The debt should have been solely on my credit report, not his. I reached a settlement with the debtor and have closed the account as paid. Coward never paid a dime into that account.

I haven’t even begun to detail Coward’s “lies and deceptions” to me, especially regarding his numerous affairs. Briefly, Coward had infected me with a sexually-transmitted disease that he acquired from a one-night stand, perhaps a prostitute. He denied it, and blamed poor bathroom hygiene on my part. He admitted later to having a different one-night stand and several “almost” sexual encounters, and I still forgave him.

I was young and naïve, and didn’t feel brave enough to be on my own. I did suspect his infidelity many other times. Even when I had proof that he hadn’t been faithful, after he had professed his trueness repeatedly and profoundly, I reluctantly accepted his promises to stay true. He finally broke his promises too many times, and I got older and wiser enough to have the courage to end it.

 

 

Corroboration

I will authorize an inquiry with credit reporting agencies as to archival or historical data, if it exists. The account was closed years ago.

My sister Marlene remembers this event and will attest to its truthfulness.

 

 

Affidavit Rebuttal Part (1)

I said I would shared about the temper tantrum she had at the Courthouse. Client confidentiality only pertains to the your lawyer, not my lawyers that I paid for. My lawyers were entertained by Hooker Shoe's behavior in the mediation room. She told my lawyers that she had contacted both the FBI and my congressman over my blog. Pause, yes she really did that. Really. All the while veins on her forehead and neck popping out and her spewing angrily. At one point during her melt down in the mediation room, coward had to place his hand on Hooker Shoes arm saying "Hooker Shoes Stop" to rein back in some control when she lost it with my lawyers. 


I play Bunco with my congressman wife, they live across the main street from my house. Not a peep has been said to me, and it's not because I know them, it's because it was the ravings of a lunatic who made those calls, and no one took you seriously--how could they?! Honestly she is incoherent and irrational, and filled with anger.
 
When I received the notice to appear AGAIN, attached was the sworn affidavit of the reasons why Coward believed I was in contempt of court. I dissected his statement with truth and details--because that is all I speak--the truth. His statements are in typeface, I responded accordingly. I will go in mostly numerical order, but like this first entry have placed #2 first. I will get to all of them, but this was placed here because I stated in my last entry about this very falsehood.



II.             Coward's lies in his affidavit

Practically every statement he wrote contains a lie. Starting from the 2^nd paragraph of the affidavit, I will explain why, and offer proof where I can.

A.               Lies: The relationship’s duration and ending

In 1996 after being together approximately 7 years I ended a relationship with the writer of this blog.

This single statement has two lies.

First, we met in August of 1986. I was 16 years old and a junior in high school. Coward was my first sexual partner. I began living with Coward about August or September of 1987, while I was still 17 years old. We continued living together in until 1996. He proposed marriage to me in 1992, after having asked my dad for my hand in marriage. He gave me an engagement ring. I accepted at the time. However, over the following twelve months, he expressed less and less interest in getting married. Eventually, I concluded that he did not want to be married after all, and stopped planning for it.

We conceived a daughter around May or June of 1988. Just 21 weeks later, on November 5, 1988, when I was 19 years old, I gave birth to Heather. Heather died, and is buried in a county in California. Coward is listed as Heather’s father on both her birth and death certificates. Our relationship continued without interruption until 1996.

If Coward’s statement were true, we would have met in 1989, the year after Heather died, which is clearly absurd.

Second, Coward did not end our relationship. I did.

I ended the relationship with Coward on May 25, 1996, a week before my sister’s wedding. I had gone to see the movie Mission Impossible , near where we lived. While watching the movie, I recognized, in the dark, the heads kissing each other in front of me as belonging to Coward and Lola. Lola was a young girl, 17 or 18 years old, who was extremely emotionally and intellectually immature. She was vulnerable and prone to wearing provocative attire. Coward and I used to take Lola to church with us when she was 10 and 11 years old. Watching them kiss right in front of me left me nauseated, repulsed, and angry.

I left the movie immediately, and Coward followed me, making excuses, saying he was sorry that I saw what I saw, and that it wasn’t personal. He made excuses, but I had caught him and he knew it. I tried to get in my car, but he grabbed my shoulders to make me listen to him. We argued, and I finally had to swing at him with my purse to escape his grasp. I drove straight home, and, with my mother’s help, began putting Coward’s stuff onto the front yard. Coward arrived about a half hour later, and started screaming at me. I yelled back, telling him it was over. My mom said we would call the police, and I did.

The Police Department sent sheriffs to our house. They informed me that they could not allow me to evict Coward or his belongings, because Coward’s name was on the lease for the house. I complied, and allowed Coward to keep his stuff in the house. He left and did not return to the house until the next weekend. He had a large, valuable collection of radio-controlled airplanes that I left untouched, as well as all of his other possessions. For months, Coward had been spending the weekdays living and working in a California City, returning home on weekends, so I presume he stayed the week in his motel in California City.

On June 2, 1996, the day after my sister’s wedding, he and a friend, Von (not real name), came to the house with a U-Haul. He proceeded to take everything he could, including things that were essential to the house, such as the wood-burning stove (the only source of heat), the only air conditioner, and the washer and dryer that he had given to me as gifts. He left the bed, couches, and anything else that he thought either wasn’t valuable or were things that were solely mine.

Years later, he apologized for taking those things, and told me that he hadn’t needed them, and had taken them out of spite.



Corroboration

I have many family members and friends who can corroborate my statements here, including pictures from the time period. This set of friends includes police officers and teachers from California County.

I have professional photographs, from Sears, of Coward and me, taken in 1988. I was 18 years old in the pictures.

The birth and death certificates for Heather are on file in California County. I have a copy of her birth certificate only.

If the Small town Police Department still has records from 1996, they will have a record of my call to them on May 25, 1996.

 

Stopping the Cycle--NO EXCUSES

My mother passed away; she died of kidney disease. It came out of nowhere, I drove down to where she lived, and spent full days, from 8 – midnight at her bedside alongside my father and siblings, and in less than a week she was gone. My heart has only ached this way once before, and that was when I had to bury my daughter. Over the last two years my mom was very ill, but the last four months or so she was getting better or at least stabilized. She had taken her reprieve from being in hospital and recovery homes to open up with us girls about her childhood and past. Little did I know it was her, making amends with her past. She revealed to us that she had been the victim domestic violence to the man she had married before my father. A man only my father knew of, as far as were knew—dad was her only husband.  She was 17 when she ran off to get married in Mexico, to a man ten years older than herself. Quickly she learned that this was not some fairytale story that she imagined it would be; instead it ended up being a nightmare. He beat her, raped her, and when she was pregnant with twins he beat her so severely that she lost them. I almost was in shock to hear my mother tell the story of her life, because in some ways it mimicked mine with Coward. I never told my mother was Coward did to me, out of shame but mostly because I didn’t want her to feel bad that she didn’t see it, or that she didn’t help me. I understand shame very well; it’s what kept me silent for years. I now freely share what Coward did to me and others, because I’m not the one who did anything wrong to be ashamed of, HE DID.

The shame kept my mom silent for 50 years. I wish she would have shared these things when I was younger, so that I would have been more aware of what abuse looked like.

My mother had a really crappy childhood, she married young, was raped, beaten and had to bury two children all before 18. She could have used the hurt that this man inflicted upon her as an excuse to lash out, to beat us, to hurt us or my dad, but she didn’t. She loved, and kissed and hugged us girls all the time. She loved her children, grandchildren & husband deeply and completely.

One thing I want to emphasize is for you to talk about domestic/sexual and child abuse with your children. Tell them when they’re old enough to understand why it’s never ok to hit a woman or man. Tell them it’s never their fault, because they stayed, they dressed a certain way, was “asking for it”—NO EXCUSES and STOP the cycle of ABUSE.

Faithfully an Asshole, Coward of California

Driving back from a trip my husband and I started going over our favorite 80’s music. Throwing out names of bands and singers that had been long forgotten and now where resurrected with our memories. It made me think of one of my favorite bands; Journey, and some of their greatest hits. It triggered a memory of a conversation with Coward about his first girlfriend Cindy.

One day the song, Faithfully by Journey had come on the radio while we driving and he said he hated this song. Why, I asked. “Well it was OUR song, and when Cindy cheated and left me, I couldn’t stand to hear the song any longer.”  Being that I didn’t know the truth yet- of why she had left, only the Coward version of truth so I believed him. The truth was that she left you because you were abusive and a cheater told here, by her in her own words. But you couldn’t tell me that, you’d look bad and you couldn’t play the victim either.  Soon after this conversation with Coward, the band Chicago came out with ,“If she would have been faithful” and this became OUR song.  Coward told me that, “if Cindy hadn’t cheated, then he would have missed out on me, the best thing to ever happen to him.” Hold on for a minute I just had a hardy laugh out loud while I was typing this sentence out.

So to Coward at one point I was the best thing to EVER happen to him. He abused me physically and mentally, cheated, lied, gave me STD’s and so much more. This, was all done to the best thing that ever happened to him, makes you wonder how he treats those he doesn’t like.